If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize