Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
