I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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