now i know why i became what i already was.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
