Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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