In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
