why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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