i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
