i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
