Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
