is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize