Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
