She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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