I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
