I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
