Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
