I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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