if you like me you must not know who I am
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize