You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
