He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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