you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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