You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
