Pants 0. Shit 1.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
