I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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