Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
