I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
