Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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