my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
