You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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