man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
