I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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