oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
