Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
