I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
