I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bring money and cleavage
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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