you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
