also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
