I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
