A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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