i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All the doctor said was why
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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