I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drake has all the answers
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
