There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
