Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
