We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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