I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
