GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
