True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
