Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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