The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm having to shit out rocks
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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