i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
two words: eviction party
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
