Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
