I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
