mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
