Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
