Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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