The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
