3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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