I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
