i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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