I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
