i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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