so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
