so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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