i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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