its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
