I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
