you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
