Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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