Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
