Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
