jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
