I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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