dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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